So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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