There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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