Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
