dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
