marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We won't sleep together?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
