i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
