like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
