too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
