I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You left your phone here
Wait...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
