Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
