I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't deserve a penis
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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