Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize