If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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