Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
