Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
