Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
