omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
