And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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