WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
