I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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