You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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