Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
being pregnant is like rehab
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
