i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
