even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
