1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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