I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
