I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
