I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
MIDGETS
????
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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