How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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