i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have post one night stand depression
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
