what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
