I only kidnapped one of them. chill
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
