Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
