You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
