...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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