You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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