He felt like a one man threesome
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
