What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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