While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
