The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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