What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
