Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
