after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
