i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
