I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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