dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
