She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
