I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have demons in me.
Can Purell be used as lube?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
false alarm, still single
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
