Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
