So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
