woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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