God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
